What Happens When You Embrace Your Writing Process (Spoiler: Magic)

Last week I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about writing myths I used to believe in. As any self respecting procrastinator knows, one of the best ways to avoid writing is to read about writing. I love reading books by writers, books for writers, articles about writing, quotes about the writing life. Sometimes I find it very inspiring.

Other times it crushes my dreams. Because oftentimes reading about what has worked for other writers gives me false notions and expectations about what it means—and what it takes—to be a “real” writer. Real writers wake up at 4 a.m. and write for three hours in the dark. Real writers outline the entire story before they begin. No! Real writers should let the story unfold organically. Real writers focus on characters instead of plot. They churn out 5,000 words a day and write a novel every month, oh and also they gave a million dollars away to charity and are probably a better person than me, a “fake” writer.

People of the internet: I literally write for a living and I still find myself buying into this nonsense. It’s what kept me from finishing a novel for years. I felt like I was doing it wrong.

There’s one surefire way I’ve found to silence the “I’m not a real writer” voice in my head: accepting my process.

I outline as I go.

My writing is terrible until the third draft.

I write short.

I write best in the evenings and waking up early is something I will never willingly do

I write fast and bad. I revise slowly and thoroughly.

I use brainstorming and “research” as ways to avoid writing.

None of this is universal. It doesn’t all match up with what I’ve been told “real” writers do. That’s okay. It works for me.

I was avoiding writing by listening to the First Draft podcast the other day (10/10 would recommend) and Veronica Roth said something like “The only right way to write a book is the way that allows you to write a book.”

The things that help someone else write a book (or poem or screenplay or whatever) may not be the things that help you write a book. Writing is personal. We should not expect writing advice to be one size fits all. Accept what works for you and toss the rest.

When I gave myself freedom to write terribly, to go dark, to stop pretending I could form coherent sentences in the morning and to stop wasting time on outlines that would never go anywhere, I was finally able to finish a book.

Other writers probably love waking up early to get their word count in and find true inspiration from Pinterest and research. That is awesome.  For them. These are not helpful tools for my writing process, but just because their process is different from mine doesn’t make it any less real. The only “wrong” writing process is the one that keeps you from getting words on the page.

What about you? Have you broken free of writing advice you used to think was gospel? What faulty advice is keeping you from finishing your work?

And, as always, the best way to keep up with me is to sign up for my weekly newsletter.

And, also as always, here is a Lord of the Rings meme because what else am I going to do with my time?

Why You Should Actually Celebrate Rejection

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Warning: Very sappy post ahead.

I was talking to the lovely highschooler I mentor a few weeks ago and she was distraught because she’d been rejected. She wondered if she should stop writing because she hadn’t won a national writing contest.

Did you get that? She didn’t win first place in a writing contest which THOUSANDS of students entered, and she thought it meant she was a bad writer. This is ridiculous and I told her as much (I said it nicely, don’t freak out).

Our conversation made me realize how often I’ve made similar assumptions in my own life. I wasn’t the best person on the team so I assumed I shouldn’t be on it. I didn’t get into the first musical theater program I auditioned for, so I decided I must not be good enough to get into any.

But here’s the thing: in order to get what you want out of life, you have to be willing to face rejection.

I’ll say it one more time for the people in the back: in order to get what you want, you have to be willing to face rejection.

In my short time on this earth I’ve been rejected for everything imaginable. I didn’t get most of the student leadership positions I applied for in college. I haven’t gotten 90 percent of the jobs I went after. When I was a performer I didn’t get into most of the shows I auditioned for. Most recently, when I was querying agents for my novel I had an approximate 60 percent rejection rate.

But guess what?

It only takes one yes.

I wish I could show you the incredibly detailed Rejection Spreadsheet I had when querying agents. It was intensely color coded and filled with all sorts of information about how long it took for someone to reject me, if they had anything nice to say, if it was a form letter, how thoroughly they’d crushed my dreams etc.. I’ll protect the innocent and not show the whole thing, but basically here’s what it ended up looking like:

If you’re wondering if Red was the Color of Rejection the answer is YES. Yes it was. You’ll notice there is exactly one green box.

It only took one.

I didn’t need 25 agents, I needed one. I didn’t need 10 jobs, I needed one.

We live in a world where what you want often lies down a path that someone else has to open the door for. If you want to be a lawyer, you have to get into law school. If you want to be on Broadway, you have to be cast in a Broadway show. If you want to play basketball, you have to make the team.

All this can make it feel like success is out of your hands. This is a lie. Success is up to you. Because in order to get into law school Because in order to get into law school you have to take the LSAT. To be on Broadway, you have to audition. To make the team, you have to try out.

It’s up to you.

Please, for the love of carbs, friends, do not let rejection keep you from knocking on the door. I have folders full of rejections for freelance pitches, jobs, and my novel. But I’ve sold pitches. I have a job I love. And I have representation for that novel.

It only takes one yes.

Keep going. Knock on the door. Make the ask. Start training. Send the application. Cold call the client.

And when you get the (inevitable) first rejection, don’t give up. Rejection isn’t cause for shame, it’s cause for celebration. Why? Because to get rejected you have to actually try for something. If you’ve been rejected, congratulations! Welcome to the club.

Celebrate your rejections, embrace all the nos that come your way, and get very comfortable with doors being slammed in your face. But never, ever, not even for a minute, let any of those things make you think you’re not good enough. Do not let something as small and insignificant as rejection keep you from your dream.

It only takes one yes. So don’t stop asking.

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PPS: if you thought you could make it through this post without an LOTR GIF you were kidding yourself.

 

How I Wrote 50,000 Words In Two Months (While Working Full Time)

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In January I set a short term writing goal for myself: write 50,000 words of my manuscript by March 1. Last Wednesday, February 28, I typed my 50,092 word.

During this time period I had 42 writing sessions averaging 30 minutes each. I was working full time and also happened to be revising my first novel for an agent simultaneously (that’s a story for another time). When I hit my wordcount goal no one was more shocked than me.

I’m a perpetual goal setter, but I almost never accomplish the tasks I set out for myself. That’s fine. I still get farther with goals than I would without them. But I wanted to figure out why this time was different. What did I do more effectively? How could I duplicate it for future goals?

First drafts are the hardest part of the writing process for me. I am terrible first drafter. I know everyone says that in a really cute “aw shucks” kind of way, but I really mean it. My first drafts rarely even contain complete sentences. I’m lucky if they contain discernible words.

I’m an Editor by trade and writing doesn’t click for me until I have words to work with. I hate writing every word of first drafts and so I made it my goal with this project to get the first draft over with as soon as possible. Getting these bad words on the page quickly is crucial because the important work of shaping and coloring in the novel will take much longer.

So I launched an investigation to figure out how I wrote 50,000 words in two months while working fulltime. I identified five key factors that set my writing approach aprt:

Five Tools That Helped Me Write 50,000 Words In Two Months

1. Set a goal in the Sweet Spot

The first thing I did that helped me accomplish my goal was setting a reasonable goal in the first place. I found the Sweet Spot.

The Sweet Spot is a target difficult enough to be a challenge, but reasonable enough to keep you motivated. For me, writing 25,000 words would have been too easy, but writing 75,000 would have been so difficult I wouldn’t have bothered to start. Fifty thousand words was the Sweet Spot. A stretch, but within reach.

To find the Sweet Spot first list your Unattainable and Too Easy goals.

So for example:

Unattainable: 75,000

Too Easy: 25,000

Sweet Spot = Unattainable Goal – Too Easy Goal

The Sweet Spot is the difference between these two goals. In my case, 50,000 words.

2. Quantify your goal

If you are a creative, quantifying your goal might seem counterintuitive. After all, how do you quantify art? (Insert smug mustache twirl thing here). But if you want to improve and set measurable goals than you have to choose a way to track what you are doing and how it’s working.

Measuring quantitavely in this sense, is not about measuring quality, it’s about measuring output.

Everything is quantifiable. If you are a painter, you might track how many days it takes you to finish a painting and how many hours per day you spent working on that painting on average. If you are a runner, you might track your time and mileage. If you are an actor, you might track how much time you spent practicing and how many auditions you attended.

By keeping track of my creative output, I was able to see what on earth I was actually doing. Because I kept detailed records of when and how much I wrote, I know that the most I wrote in one day was 3,000 and the least was 560, and that my average was somewhere around 1,200.

It also helped me to identify patterns. I write much faster and sustain energy for longer periods of time, later in the day. Most writing advice says you should write in the morning. I can do that, but it’s not the most efficient way for me to write. Tracking my writing made me realize I need to plan my writing sessions later in the day.

The only way to know what works best for you is to keep track of it. Lots of random internet advice told me I needed to get more sleep, but when I Heatmapped I discovered that I was actually happier with less sleep. Don’t take other people’s advice on what will work for you. Find out for yourself.

PS: If you’re not sure how to start keeping track of your time, I wrote an entire post on Heatmapping—the best tool I’ve found for quantifying personal goals.

3. Outline outline outline

As with many things in life, planning for success makes success more attainable. I’ve always outlined my projects, but normally I ditch the outline 1/3 of the way through. This is fine, but it meant I would start each writing session with, at best, a vague notion of what I needed to write. Over the last two months, I ended my writing sessions by jotting out a detailed outline of what I would write the next day.

This doesn’t just apply to writing. If you are a runner, make a running schedule. If you are a painter, sketch out what you want the finished product to look like. Start each day knowing exactly what you need to do on that particular day to reach your goal.

4. By law you get a lunch break. USE IT.

This one only applies to people who have goals outside of their bill-paying jobs. I have a fulltime job and consider myself very lucky to be employed. But my job means I have to think carefully about when I can write and need to make use of the free time I have.

I work all day, but I do get a lunch break. I outfitted my iPad with a mini keyboard. Now I have a lightweight writing device I can use to write during my lunchbreak. That’s a solid hour of writing every day.

One thing I’ve noticed about my friends who work office jobs is that they rarely take lunch breaks. Your company is legally obligated to give you a break during the workday. Don’t be a martyr. Take it.

5. Do NOT revise as you go. Ever.

The final thing I did that made a huge difference was not reviewing my work. I didn’t read a single word of what I had written. I just kept going.

Why is this important? Because starting a project is fun, but it’s easy for me to get so bogged down in perfecting the beginning that I never reach the ending. Perfectionism prevents completion.

Most dreams die in progress. Lots of people have first chapters of novels that they’ve edited to death. Few people have finished manuscripts. The first chapter, first sketch, first rehearsal, isn’t important. Finishing is important. And to finish you need to look forward, not backward.

For my last project, it wasn’t until the final draft that I started the story in the right place. The first chapter that I slaved over for months didn’t even make the cut. It wasn’t necessary. You will save yourself tons of time and energy if you commit to seeing a project through without trying to fix it as you go.

So there you have it. Five easy things that made it possible for me to write more efficiently and to have more fun while doing it. What about you? How do you reach challenging goals while meeting other life obligations? Comment below so I can steal your ideas!

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5 Simple Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck – Step 4: Give up a Comfort Crutch

This is Part 4 in a five part series

Read the Intro

Read Step 1: Identify and Attack Your Triggers

Read Step 2: Make a Bored List

Read 3: Start Heatmapping

I’ve written before about the power of fasting to spur to spur creative growth. I’m writing another post about fasting because a) it really is super powerful and b) it’s one of the best ways I’ve found to get unstuck.

When preparing to write this post I poked around to see if there was any research on the mental benefits of purposeful deprivation. I was frustrated to find that fasting research has focused on fasting as a tool for weight loss. I find this ridiculous. The purpose of fasting is to grow not to shrink. And fasting isn’t limited to food—you can fast from social media, the internet, gossip, make up. All of these are beneficial and none of them are represented in the current literature.

For example, many studies indicate that vegetarians might be happier overall than meat eaters. Scientists have attributed this to chemicals in meat. This very well may be true. In my personal experience, the benefit of not eating meat has been entirely mental.

Since it seems very few other people are writing about the power of fasting, I will refer to my original post on the creative power of fasting:

“Fasting forces you to be present in your life. Every time you say no to something, you are reminded that you are a rational being, capable of making choices. It’s so easy to glide through our days with our heads down and never look up. My default is to ignore the big picture of my life in favor of getting through another day. Fasting reminds me of the very simple, but entirely remarkable fact that I’m alive.”

And here’s what other famous people have had to say about fasing:

“I fast for greater physical and mental efficiency.” – Plato (428-348 B.C.)

“Everyone can perform magic, everyone can reach his goals, if
he is able to think, if he is able to wait, if he is able to fast.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

“Fasting is the first principle of medicine; fast and see the strength of the spirit reveal itself.” – Rumi

 

Fasting isn’t about weight loss. It’s about improving your mind and spirit. And it’s a great way to jolt you out of whatever rut life has tossed you in.

Steps to Effective Fasting:

1. Identify what you should give up

For a fast to be effective, you need to give up something matters to you. If you rarely drink, cutting out alcohol is not going to provide you a good growth opportunity. If you don’t care about clothes, giving up fashion won’t be a sacrifice. The key is to find something that is not bad in and of itself, but that you rely on in a potentially unhealthy way.

I call these Crutch Comforts. At the beginning of this year I made a list of Crutch Comforts and I’ve been trying to give up one a month. A few things on my list:

• Sugar
• Instagram
• TV
• Reading
• TV
• Internet
• Reading
• Eating out

Reading was actually a recent addition. I never thought of reading as something that could have harmful effects. I read a lot, but I don’t think of it as an addiction. However, because I also write a lot, reading can have the adverse effect of filling my head with other people’s ideas when I need to be generating my own.

Make your list and then choose one thing you’re willing to go without.

2. Set a time frame

Fasts can last for any period of time. If you are doing an extremely calorie restricted fast, it’s probably best to start with a short period of time. Religions often prescribe 21 or 40 day fasts. Personally, I prefer to do fasts by month. Why? It’s easy to remember for one thing. I try to give up one thing each month. Choose the time frame that makes the most sense for your life and mark it on your calendar. When I did a 21-day fast recently I blocked it out on my calendar so I would be reminded of it every time I checked my schedule.

3. Choose one thing to ADD

The Lenten season is most famous for fasting, but the spiritual practice is also supposed to involve adding something to your life.

At its core, fasting isn’t about deprivation. Fasting is about giving up something hindering you so that you can focus on what really matters to you. Think about what you want more of in your life and how what you’re giving up can make room for that.

For example, maybe you want to exercise more. If you give up TV, you can use your normal Netflix time for working out. Or if you want to be better at keeping in touch with family, give up social media and use scrolling time to call your mom.

4. Tell someone (but don’t tell everyone)

A study from Dominican University found that students who shared their goals with a friend were twice as likely to complete them as those who kept their goals to themselves. Accountability is key to success.

Choose one person in your close circle of community to share your fast with. You don’t even need to ask them to “keep you accountable” (in my experience this usually backfires) just let them know what you’re giving up and for how long. Ideally, choose someone who will notice if you go back on your word. For example, I usually tell my roommate (who also happens to be a good friend) when I’m giving something up because we spend enough time together for her to notice if I’m cheating.

So if you’re giving up a food item, tell someone who you eat a lot with. If you’re giving up movies, tell the person who’s your movie buddy. Etc.

The key thing is: tell one person, not everyone. The more people you tell, the less your fast becomes about your spiritual growth, and the more it becomes about how your fast looks to other people. As Jesus said, “when you fast, don’t make it obvious.”

Accountability is a proven way to achieve goals. However (and this is a big however) telling too many people about your goals has been shown to decrease your likelihood of achieving them. When we start telling people we’re doing something, it makes us feel like we’ve achieved something. We’re then less likely to actually do the thing we’ve been telling people we plan to do. Cue vicious cycle.

So tell one trusted friend. And then don’t tell anyone else.

5. Pay attention

Now comes the important part: the fast itself. You’ve given up your Comfort Crutch. What now? Get the most out of your fast by taking the time to pay attention. Are you really struggling with what you gave up? Why? Lean in to whatever discomfort you feel. How do you feel? What’s different? I recommend keeping a journal or typing out quick notes in your phone whenever you have a revelation.

Have you ever done an intentional fast? Got any tips? Let me know in the comments!

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5 Simple Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck – Step 3: Start Heatmapping

This is Part 3 in a Five Part series.

Read the Intro

Read Step 1: Identify and Attack Your Triggers

Read Step 2: Make a Bored List

One thing I’ve learned about myself over year years of failure and embarrassment is that I am not good at recognizing correlations in my life. You’ve probably heard the phrase “correlation does not equal causation” in regards to data. On a scientific level, this principle holds true, but I’ve found that, on a personal level, correlation often does equal causation.

Other people are often than the ones who point out possible causes of a problem I’m experiencing. Friends have noticed that I tend to fall asleep if I eat a lot of bread or that I touch my hair a lot and that might be why it gets greasy so fast. These sound like obvious culprit, but before they were pointed out to me I assumed I just couldn’t stay awake during movies and that it was impossible to clean my hair. Connecting emotions to tangible aspects of my life does not come naturally to me.

Hence, Heatmapping.

If I had to pick one tool that I’ve found to be the most essential getting unstuck it would be Heatmapping. No contest.

I first discovered Heatmapping in college and it quite literally changed my life. I was exhausted all the time (like, fall asleep at 8 p.m. on my birthday exhausted) and there was no reason for it. I was happy and getting plenty of sleep and it wasn’t Winter. It was infuriating. I couldn’t stay up past 9 and I was tired all the time, but there was no discernible cause.

I found out about Heatmapping from Susan Dennard (if you are a writer, Susan Dennard is the Yoda you need—her website is incredible). Dennard used Heatmapping to figure out when she was most productive and what elements factored into that increased productivity. By using this technique she was able to figure out her peak work times and how to stretch those times so she could get more writing done.

So. What’s Heatmapping?

Basically Heatmapping requires you to track your activity and mood every hour of the day (you can modify this to every half hour to be more specific). I take this one step farther and also track my activities so I can correlate them with my mood. By tracking mood and energy level on a daily basis you can identify patterns over time. Maybe you tend to feel gloomiest at 3 p.m. or are more productive on days you drink less than two cups of coffee.

In college, I filled a folder with a bunch of copies of a Heatmap, bought some colored markers, and went to town. Within a few weeks I had noticed a pattern: the more sleep I got the less energy I had the next day. I kept tracking my sleep and eventually figured out that I need to between 6.5-7.5 hours to be operate at my highest level. This was a total game changer for me. I’d always been told that more sleep was essential to feeling rested, but in my case the more I slept the more I wanted to sleep and the more exhausted I felt. Since then I’ve to manage my sleep to make sure I’m getting the right amount for my body.

So how can you start Heatmapping? It’s easy and involves coloring so get excited.

1. Choose your template

Traditional, productivity Heatmaps use a circular grid. I find this confusing, but if circles float your boat, you can find a template of this model template here and a detailed explanation of how to use it here.

If you prefer a more straight forward spreadsheet, you can create your own version in Excel. This is what I did in college, but  lately I’ve been using Google Sheets. I like Sheets because it’s on the internet so I can access it from anywhere.

I used to print out pages and fill them in physically. If that’s your style, go for it! Any excuse to color is acceptable in my book. Personally, I find that it’s easier for me to track things digitally.

Here’s an example of what my Heatmap looks like:

I prefer to break my day into half hour increments (as opposed to hour) because I have a short attention span and tend to rotate activities more than once an hour.

If you’d like more info on how I designed my personal Heatmap comment below or shoot me an email and I’ll do a post giving more details on it.

2. Choose your color scheme

Next you’ll want to figure out what color scheme you want to use.

Here’s mine:

Red = time wasted

Green = peak productivity

Pink = lightly wasted time

Orange = TV/entertainment

Purple = socializing

Blue = sleep

Grey = rest, recharge, introvert time

Yellow = necessary life tasks (cleaning, commuting, etc.)

I have this pasted at the bottom of my Heatmap Sheet so I can refer to it easily.

Here’s how Susan Dennard color codes her map:

• blue= sleeping
• purple= cooking, showering, dealing with the pets/husband
• green= creative flow zone
• yellow= I’m productive but distracted
• orange=  ugggggggh, I’m barely accomplishing anything
• red= watching TV, reading, chatting with husband/friends

You can find more on Susan’s Heatmapping method here. I cannot emphasize this enough: if you are a writer and this type of color coding organizational stuff appeals to you, go check out Susan’s website immediately. She is the Queen of charts/productivity/words.

For other ideas you can check out Productive Flourishing’s model, which focuses more on energy level and less on activity.

3. Set up your supplies

If you’re going old school, print 31 copies of your Heatmap and stick them in a folder or binder. Plan on carrying this with you everywhere for the next month. You’ll also want to buy some markers or coloring pencils. If you’re going the digital route, make sure you have access to your Heatmap on your phone and laptop.

4. Map away!

Now’s the fun part! Start coloring in your boxes. I think it’s better to do this throughout the day as opposed to all at once, but if you’re struggling to remember to update the map on an hourly basis, you can do it once a day.

Tips for effective Heatmapping:

• Set reminders

In order to get the best results, it’s essential to fill in the map every day—and to fill it in on the day you’re recording. It’s not helpful if you spend Friday morning trying to remember your mood and activities on Thursday. To help me remember to fill mine in I have reminders set on my phone and computer.

• Commit to Heatmapping for 31 days

To get a sense of your mood and energy patterns, you need at least a month’s worth of data. You can start looking for patterns earlier, but for best results, stick with it for an entire month.

• Be honest

When we start paying attention to how we’re spending our time and how that makes us feel, it can be tempting to lie. You might want to downplay how much time you spend watching TV or how many hours a day you waste trolling the internet. Don’t. Being honest about your life is the only way you can hope to improve it.

I’m found that simply paying more attention to the way I’m spending my time often helps me get unstuck. And Heatmapping is the best way I know to force myself to pay attention. Have you tried Heatmapping or another time tracking method? Let me know in the comments below?

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5 Simple Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck – Step 2: Make a Bored List

This is Part 2 in a five part series.

Read the introduction

Read Part 1

If I had to pick one emotion that lines up with feeling stuck it would be boredom. I’ve never been one to get bored easily. As a kid, I would spend hours on my own talking to myself and

Boredom – feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one’s current activity.

You’ll notice that this definition omits one of the things I considered essential for boredom as child: not having anything to do. What I’ve realized is that boredom isn’t about not having anything to do. As an adult, there’s always something to do. Boredom can stem from two things:

1. Not doing anything

2. Not liking what you’re doing

Both are problematic and stem from different underlying causes, but one thing I’ve been experimenting with lately is a simple solution that I think applies to both.

The Bored List

I call it the Bored List. What I realized is that when you’re an adult there’s no excuse to be bored. There’s always something that needs to get done. For a lot of people, it’s more difficult to rest—to stop hacking away at the never ending To Do list—than to start.

Feeling bored is not a normal experience for me, but lately I’ve found myself with more free time than usual (thanks horrible NYC winter!) and I’m not spending wisely. Feeling bored is a symptom of being stuck.

A teacher once told me that bored people are boring. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I do think that bored people are forgetful. When we’re bored, it’s not that there’s nothing we want or could be doing, it’s that we’re not remembering how we want to spend our time.

I’ll sometimes find myself with chunks of times where I have no commitments and I have no idea how to spend it. This is where the Bored List comes in. If I find myself reaching for the remote or falling down a YouTube rabbit hole (I recently discovered the early Lonely Island videos and I’m dead), instead of automatically giving these things my time I first review my Bored List. It’s basically a list of ongoing projects or things I want to work on when I have time. Some things currently on my Bored List: clean out craft shelf, download photos from phone, plan Europe trip.

I taped my Bored List to my laptop and put it in the Notes on my phone. Anytime I find myself reaching for these things when I’m bored, I instead review the list and remind myself of the things in my life that need my attention.

What helps you keep boredom at bay? Let me know in the comments!

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5 Simple Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck – Step 1: Identify and Attack Your Triggers

This is Part 1 of a series on Getting Unstuck. Read the intro here.

The first thing I did when I realized I was feeling stuck was to try and identify the tangible triggers contributing to my stuck-ness. Below are three things I did to figure out what my triggers were and change my response to them.

1. Identify Your Triggers

Before I could attack my triggers, I had to know what they were.

To clarify: By triggers, I don’t mean things like “my entire personality sucks” or “I live in a rat-infested hole in Brooklyn”—those are life factors. I was trying to identify the emotional factors playing into the feeling of being stuck. Like I mentioned in the introduction to this series, I’m not actually stuck in any area of my life right now. Job is good. Apartment is great. Relationships are solid. But despite these facts, I feel stagnant. I’m not appreciating the everyday magic of my life as much as I want to. I’m going through the motions of a routine instead of experiencing the joy of being alive. It’s annoying, to say the least.

So anyways. Triggers. Basically, I wanted to see if my stuckness had any correlations with what I was doing. Had I changed something in my life? Here’s what I came up with:

 

1. Increase in screen time (mostly television and Instagram)
2. Not running as much as I used to
3. Too much sleep (more on this later in the week)
4. Nothing to look forward to travel/social-wise because Winter is dark and full of terrors
5. Not spending my lunch break outside

2. Make a Wellness Checklist

The second step was to identify the flipside of these negative triggers: what things do I intend to do on a daily basis that make me feel good about myself and my existence? I made a Wellness Checklist. I actually got this checklist idea from Dax Shepard’s podcast (if you haven’t listened to the episode he did with his goddess of a wife, Kristen Bell, you are unnecessarily depriving yourself of joy).

Here’s my checklist:

1. Engage in deep conversation with someone about my problem
2. Go for a run
3. Write it out
4. Spend at least 30 minutes outside
5. Leave the house
6. Eat some vegetables

I resolved that the next time I was feeling stuck I would run through my Wellness Checklist. If I hadn’t done something on the list I would do it and see if I felt better. Rinse and repeat.

I also decided to tackle the first item on my trigger list: screen time. For me, the problem with screen time isn’t comparison, it’s mindlessness. Most of the things I watch on TV don’t really hold my attention—so I do something else like scroll through Instagram or add yet another magical zit cure to my Amazon Wish List, resulting in double screen time. I wasn’t making a conscious choice to invest my time in these activities. It was mindless.

3. Add a step

I decided there was no better way to stop a mindless activity than with mind games. The key? Adding an extra step.

Because these are mindless activities, all I need to do to stop engaging in them is make myself actually think about them. Groundbreaking, I know.

I have a bad habit of scrolling through Instagram when I’m bored. So I deleted it off my phone. Sometimes I watch Netflix before going to sleep. So I signed out of my account.

If you watch too much TV, you could try unplugging the TV so that you’ll have to really think before turning it on. If you drink to excess, try putting your alcohol in a locked cupboard. If you constantly check your phone for notifications, try putting it in airplane mode for 30 minutes at a time.

Today’s Un-Stuck Steps:

1. Identify your triggers

2. Make a wellness checklist

3. Add a step that makes mindless activities mindful

Tomorrow I’ll be writing about the list that transformed how I spend my downtime. Hope to see you there!

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5 Simple Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck: Intro

If I had to choose one word to describe how I’ve been feeling over the past few months it would be stuck.

Maybe it’s the lack of sunlight, maybe it’s an excessive amount of chocolate (looking at you post Valentine’s Day sales), or maybe it’s just a life phase. Who cares. It doesn’t matter why, it just matters that feeling stuck is the worst.

Here are a few of the things that popped up when I asked the internet for a definition of stuck:

• be or remain in a specified place or situation, typically one perceived as tedious or unpleasant.
• be unable to progress with a task or find the answer or solution to something.
• be unable to get rid of or escape from.

The thing with my particular flavor of stuck-ness is that nothing’s wrong. My job is great. I love my apartment. There’s no external reason for me to feel this way (besides Winter, but I have no control over the weather so I’m going to ignore that factor). It’s just me. I’m the problem.

Someone emailed me about this recently. They have young children and a busy life and want to devote more time to writing, but find that when they have time at night they are often so exhausted they just scroll through Facebook because it’s mindless.

I can so relate (not to the children part obviously but to the exhausted, lacking energy, defaulting to lazy habits part). I want to end my days feeling worn out by the things I’ve done and rich conversations I participated in—not bleary-eyed and sluggish from wasting hours staring at my phone.

Turns out, there’s actually a scientific basis for this exhaustion. Researchers have found that procrastinating leads to significant health issues and higher stress level. This specific study was on college students who procrastinated.

The stress of procrastinating in work or school or even on necessary life tasks (ex: that doctor’s appointment I’ve been putting off making for two years because I’m a lazy coward) is one thing. But what if we spend our entire lives procrastinating on our greatest aspirations? What if we delay living itself? That’s more than stressful. That’s soul sucking. It’s debilitating. That’s the kind of procrastination that leaves us with no energy at the end of the day.

I’ve written before about how to make yourself do something, but this week I want to explore what it means when we feel stuck and how we can get out of a Life Rut even when we feel trapped. I’ll be posting solutions that have helped me in the past and reporting on things other people have said helped them unstick their life.

Come back tomorrow for Part 1 where I’ll share my best tips and tricks for beating bad habits.

Can’t wait until tomorrow? Sign up for my weekly newsletter and you’ll get a free Life Evaluation. Because who doesn’t like grading their existence?

 

 

Why Fasting is the Secret to Creative Growth

Today is Ash Wednesday,* the day that marks the beginning of Lent for many people of faith around the world. Lent, for those of you who are not bombarded with reminders on social media about it every year, is a religious term referring to the 40 days leading up to Easter. It’s tradition for people to fast for these 40 days in preparation for Easter Sunday.

I had no idea what Lent was until I went to college and got band-wagoned into giving up something trendy each Spring. One year it was desserts. Another, Facebook. My friends gave up coffee or alcohol or carbs. In more recent years, I became suspicious of the benefits of Lent. It seemed like the things people gave up were less about some pursuit of spiritual discipline and more about personal benefits. Lent just seemed like another excuse to diet.

But in the past year I’ve awoken to the power of deprivation to spur personal and artistic growth. I’ve given up one thing each month since last August. Sugar. Coffee. Alcohol. Cussing. The practice started on accident. I did a spending fast because (shocker) I felt like I was spending too much money, and when it was over, I realized there were a lot of other things I consumed in excess and so I just kept going.

Fasting is most commonly known as a spiritual exercise and most religions incorporate it in some way. Muslims practice Ramadan. Hindus set aside certain days every week to fast. Christians fast during Lent. Jewish people fast to celebrate Yom Kippur.

When I started giving up things for set periods of time, I wasn’t doing it for spiritual growth. I was doing it for selfish reasons. I wanted to save money so I stopped drinking alcohol. I didn’t want to get addicted to caffeine so I gave up coffee. But what I’ve come to realize is that deprivation automatically forces growth.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Dan Coleman writes that, “There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.”

This is an especially essential skill in a first world country where delayed gratification is not a given. In America, you can go your whole life without going without. This is a blessing. But instant gratification can quickly become a burden. When we stuff ourselves with an endless stream of food, entertainment, and material goods, we starve ourselves of the opportunity to want something.

Fasting forces you to be present in your life. Every time you say no to something, you are reminded that you are a rational being, capable of making choices. It’s so easy to glide through our days with our heads down and never look up. My default is to ignore the big picture of my life in favor of getting through another day. Fasting reminds me of the very simple, but entirely remarkable fact that I’m alive.

Sugar, television, expensive clothes, alcohol—all of these things are unessential. Fasting sloughs them off.

If you are feeling stuck or in need of a creative jolt, I invite you to use Lent as an excuse to give something up. If you don’t know where to start, think of the things you do on a daily basis. What do you eat? How do you spend leisure time? Then go with the thing that sounds the most terrifying to be without.

Give up your crutch for the next 40 days. You may be surprised to learn that you are perfectly capable of standing on your own.

*it’s also Valentine’s Day, an irony that gives me endless joy

Happy New Week!

Everyone I know loves the new year. We throw parties, stay up late, and most importantly of all, make resolutions.

I think what draws most people to New Year’s—more than the midnight parties and the ball dropping in Times Square—is the chance to start over. The new year is always a blank slate, a fresh opportunity, a second chance.

I’m no exception. I love making lists of ways I’m magically going to be better, completely different person than who I actually am because that’s the kind of delusional hope that January gives me.

It’s funny to me that most people love the opportunity to start a new year, but loathe starting a new week. I think this might have something to do with the fact that, as many resolutions as we make, New Year’s is not a real harbinger for change. It’s easy to ignore because it only comes once every 365 days. New Year’s is a red herring—we use it to give ourselves a spark of hope for change, without any of the work and drive that real change requires.

But if you want to wring the most joy possible out of your one wild and precious life, why only give yourself one opportunity a year to try?

Monday is a weekly reminder of our opportunity to start fresh. What if instead of making huge New Year’s resolutions that we’ll never fulfill, we made New Week resolutions? You don’t have to make the same mistakes this week that you made last week. You don’t have to wait until January to start improving your life. Start today. Heck, start now. Stop reading this and start working. I won’t be offended.

New Week resolution

Make a New Week resolution and stick to it! Mine for this week is to get up when my alarm goes off (because I don’t want to snooze button through life). What’s yours? Shoot me an email and let’s hold each other accountable.